One of the Greatest Things to Teach your Children - 7 Tips for Mental Resilience (Read this even if you are not a parent :)

As parents there are undoubtedly many things we want to teach our children. From how to walk and talk, to manners and behaviours, to values and principles. Teaching our children really is a lifelong journey, not to mention all the things they will undeniably teach us as well.

As an advocate for personal development and life balance, things like core values and principles rank really high on my list, but today I wanted to zero in on a topic that for many years, mainstream society did not necessarily know about, far less recognize…and this is the topic of mental resilience.

Someone once told me that having children is like watching your heart running around in the world. Everything in your being instinctually wants to protect and care for your children, but at the same time you know you need to let them go (to school, to work, to make lives of their own) at some point or another.

As our daughter was growing up, I would often tell her that a big part of my job as a parent was to make sure that she could survive in this world, and not only survive, but also to thrive. Part of this meant allowing her to struggle and fail and help her to deal with those feelings rather than save her and do everything for her all the time. Part of this also meant teaching her skills and strategies on how to learn from these lessons and be in a better position for the next time. This in turn built her confidence in her own capabilities. If you start this when children are young, it can make their transition into adulthood easier and it will also develop their sense of action and consequence. This becomes particularly valuable when they go through the “invincible” teenage phase. When they are younger, you can also ensure that they are in a safe and controlled environment to have these experiences.

Here are 7 things you can do to build up your own (and your children’s) mental resilience:

1. Train their mindset around failure. Teach them that failure is not a bad thing. Rather, it is part of the learning journey on the way to success. Every master was once a beginner.
2. Allow them to fail and make mistakes. This may potentially be harder for the parents than it is for the kids. I’m not saying to let your kids suffer, but a little struggle is good for all of us. It teaches us tenacity, resiliency, appreciation and accomplishment.
3. Show them support throughout their failures. Our aim was always to reward effort over the outcome. Despite what grades our daughter would get, she knew we were always happy and proud based on the effort she put in.
4. Build up their skillset and mindset to improve confidence. If you have a tendency to save your kids and do everything for them, they will not learn to be confident in their own abilities. Likewise, their mindset to try and fail and try again is what will help them succeed.
5. Celebrate their wins big and small. Every win deserves a celebration, big or small, from effort to result.
6. Allow them to work, earn, and save up for things, and not get everything they want when and how they want it. The saying get comfortable being uncomfortable rings true and the value of knowing how to work hard is absolutely priceless.
7. Teach them the value of thoughtfulness and contribution, especially to those in need. If you want happiness and fulfillment for yourself and your children, make thoughtfulness and contribution a habit in your lives.

And there you have it! Seven tips on how to help increase your and your children’s mental resilience. One important reminder as parents is that you will always be the greatest influence in your children’s lives. Yes, even over teachers and friends, and that’s why it’s crucial that what you want for your children, you live in your own life. As one of my mentors once told me, your children will do what you do, whether they see you do it or not.

At the end of the day, life is a journey, both beautiful and challenging :) All we can do is the best we can do, one step at a time. Until next time, live and learn with love!

Your coach,

💛Ruth